So Much For The Afterglow
by Courtney2
Summary: It’s just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
1. Part One

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
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Part One  
  
Blue. It was blue. The color of his eyes, the color of the waters they'd spent the whole summer together in, the color of her bedroom back home . . . blue used to be her favorite color. Not anymore. Blue just became her worst enemy.   
  
Jake looked at the stick in her hand one more time. 'It could be wrong,' she reasoned. These things weren't 100% accurate, after all. The damned thing could very well be defective. She wanted to believe that. She didn't want to be sitting here in a stall of the boys public restrooms at Rawley Academy at the age of 16, all alone, staring at this dreadful little stick and wishing it to fade from blue to white.   
  
She sighed as she finally set the thing aside and rested her head in her hands. Why was this happening now? She felt like there couldn't have been a worse time. Still though, there had to be worse things than being pregnant. She was sure she could think of a few if she could just focus for a moment. Nope, not a one. What could be worse? She was too young, too inexperienced, too scared . . . she'd never be able to deal with this.   
  
"How in the hell did I let this happen?" she wondered aloud. She groaned again, already contemplating her next move. She needed to tell Hamilton. That was the next logical step. He deserved to know. And she needed to get herself to a doctor. She was pretty sure that the home pregnancy test was right, but she still needed to be absolutely sure. Maybe Bella knew of a free clinic in one of surrounding towns; one where no one knew her . . .   
  
"Jake, you in here?" she heard outside the stall.   
  
Damn, it was Hamilton. She scrubbed stubbornly at her tear-streaked cheeks and called back, "Yeah, hang on a sec." She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composure, then she returned the test to its box and stuffed it inside her backpack. When she finally emerged from the stall, she tried her best to smile at her boyfriend. "Hey," she said meekly.   
  
"Hey baby," he grinned as he approached her and, taking advantage of this moment alone, gave her a quick kiss. She stiffened at his touch, though and Hamilton immediately noticed. "What's the matter?" he asked.   
  
"Um, nothing, nothing . . . I just have some stuff on my mind is all," she said quickly. She knew that she had to tell him about this, but she just needed a little time to think about how she was going to break the bad news.   
  
"Anything you'd like to talk to me about?" he asked. His eyes focused on her and the concern she saw in those pools of crystal almost made her start to cry again. Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and just shook her head no. "Okay, well you know I'm here whenever you need me, right?"  
  
"Of course," she replied. She wondered to herself if he'd stay this supportive once she told him about their new problem. "Well, look, I have to go," she said quickly. "I, uh, I'm supposed to meet Bella in a little bit. We're going . . . shopping. So, I'll see you around?" She nodded to him without even waiting for his reply and bolted for the door.   
  
Hamilton was left standing alone in the boy's restroom, a stunned and worried look on his face. He knew something was going on. Now he just needed to find out what that something was.   
  
* * * * *  
  
"Bella! Bella, are you in here? Bella!!" Jake called through the garage. Oh God, if Bella wasn't here she didn't know what-  
  
"Jake?"  
  
"Oh thank God!" the dark haired girl cried as Bella Banks appeared in the doorway. "I was afraid that you wouldn't be here."  
  
"What's going on? You having another problem with your bike? Need to make a fast getaway?" her mouth quirked into a half grin, but when she regarded her friend and saw the look in her eyes the grin quickly faded. "Jeez, something's really wrong, isn't it? What's going on, Jake?"  
  
Jake stepped further into the garage and sat down on a foldout chair. She put her head in her hands and sighed. "I'm totally screwed, Bella. I fucked up *so* bad this time . . . Oh my God . . ."  
  
Bella took a seat beside her friend and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "What is it?" she asked softly.   
  
"Remember I told you that Hamilton came to see me in New York in August after I left?" she began, her head still down.   
  
"Yeah . . ."  
  
"Well," she finally raised up to look Bella in the eyes, "part of the time he was there, my mom was out of town." She looked hard at Bella, who still didn't seem to get it. "And we slept in the same bed," she added. "Things . . . happened."  
  
"Oh my . . . really? Wow, Jake, I . . . well, so that's the problem? You regret going that far with him and now you're not sure how to act?"  
  
"No, no, not at all. I mean, yeah in light of the circumstances I guess there are things about it that I regret, but overall I don't wish that we hadn't. I mean, I'm glad he was my first. I really love Hamilton. It's just . . ."  
  
"Wait, circumstances? Are you saying that--" Bella's eyes were wide with shock by this point.   
  
"I think I'm pregnant," Jake said miserably, then hung her head again as she began to cry. All that Bella could do was comfort her friend . . . and try to think of what to do next.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Hey Ham, what's going on?" Will Krudski asked as Hamilton sat down on one of the sofas in the lounge. School still wasn't starting back for a couple of days so the campus was pretty empty and the two boys were the only ones in the lounge.   
  
"I wish I knew," Hamilton replied.   
  
"Trouble in paradise?" Will asked with a grin. "You and Jake didn't have a fight, did you?"  
  
"No . . . at least I don't think we did. She doesn't seem mad. She seems . . . upset. And I'm not really sure why. I just hope it's nothing that I did," he sighed.   
  
"Well, when did she get back? You think maybe something happened with her mom while she was home? Or maybe the Finn thing is still bugging her," Will said, trying to offer any help that he could.   
  
"Nah, I don't really think it's got anything to do with that. She's been back for almost a week so if it were something with her mom then she would have told me by now. And besides I was in New York with her for two weeks and things with her mom seemed fine. As for the Finn thing, he's being cool about it. I had a cryptic conversation with him last week where he sort of told me he knew without *telling* me, but in the end he asked if Jake was coming back to Rawley and I said yes and he said he was glad to hear that so I guess that's a good sign. Jake thought so anyway. She definitely isn't worried about that. I just don't know what it is, Will, but it's freaking me out."  
  
Will nodded. "Yep, girls have a funny way of doing that," he agreed.   
  
"You seen Caroline since you got back?" Hamilton asked.   
  
"Nah, she's probably still on vacation. No big deal, if I see her I see her and if not . . . well, I'll survive. I'm just glad to be back. I can worry about my relationship woes anytime."  
  
"True," Hamilton replied. "And I'm glad you're back too buddy." He slapped Will's back lightly as he got up from his seat. "But, speaking of relationship woes, I better go find my girlfriend and make sure I haven't messed anything up."  
  
"Good luck, man," Will called after him.   
  
"Thanks," Hamilton said, then started away thinking, 'I'm probably going to need it.'  
  
* * * * *  
  
"God, this sucks," Bella said as she handed her friend a glass of water. They were sitting at the kitchen table together now. Jake had finally stopped crying, but she still looked miserable.   
  
"Tell me about it," she replied with a heavy sigh.   
  
"I'm really sorry . . . I just don't know what else to say, Jake," Bella admitted.   
  
"Yeah, me either. I mean, it's not like I've ever had to deal with this before. I just . . . I guess I thought I'd have a while before this would be a concern. It's not like we didn't use protection. And it only happened a few times anyway . . . It's just not really fair, Bella. It's not fair at all," she sighed as she looked down into the glass of water, as if the answers to all her problems were floating around in there with the ice cubes.   
  
Bella reached across the table and squeezed Jake's hand. "You're right, it's not fair. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I really am," she said sincerely.   
  
"Thanks, and thanks for being here for me. If I didn't have you I'm not sure what I'd have done," Jake said.   
  
"I'm just glad that I could be here," Bella replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both thinking the same thing but neither venturing to say it first. Finally, Bella broke the silence. "So, when are you going to tell Hamilton?"  
  
Jake sighed again and shook her head. "I . . . I have no idea. I mean, how do I tell him? This screws up everything. And I feel like it's all my fault somehow. I just don't know what to say . . ."  
  
"It's not your fault, Jake. It's no one's fault. It was just a mistake; a mistake you made together. And it's just as much his problem as it is yours."  
  
"I know . . . my brain knows that, it does. It's just . . . I'm not feeling exactly rational lately, ya know?"  
  
"Yeah, I can understand that," Bella conceded.   
  
"So, I guess I'll tell him this weekend before school starts back. I just need to get him alone and think of some way to tell him. He has a right to know," she said in a tone that was trying to convince herself more so than Bella.   
  
Bella nodded and squeezed Jake's hand again. "It'll be okay. I know it feels like that can never happen, but somehow things will work out okay," she said. Jake nodded as more tears filled her eyes. She hoped with every fiber of her being that Bella was right.   
  
* * * * *  



	2. Part Two

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 2  
  
Friday had nearly ended before the next time that Hamilton saw Jake. After she'd left him in the bathroom earlier that day he hadn't seen her at all since. Finally, around eleven o'clock that night, after several failed attempts to reach her by phone and several strange conversations with Bella that brought forth more questions than answers, he decided it was time he just went over to see what was going on for himself. His parents were out of town on a late summer trip anyway and weren't due back in until Sunday afternoon, the day before school started. He and Jake had been planning to spend some quality time together while they were away. But, since they'd left early on Thursday morning, things with Jake had been very strange. Something was definitely wrong and Hamilton intended to find out what was going on.   
  
He knocked twice and waited. No answer. He knocked again. Still nothing. He tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. "Jake?" he called softly as he entered the darkened room. "You in here?"  
  
"Yeah," came a soft reply from the bed. Though it was mid September, the weather in Massachusetts was unseasonably warm and it was still a little muggy out. However, Hamilton found Jake wrapped in a blanket and seemingly sitting wide awake on her bed in the dark. This only served to heighten his concern.   
  
He rushed over, closing the door as he went, and sat by her on the bed. "Baby, what's wrong? Are you sick?" he asked.   
  
She turned to look at him and the moonlight from the window provided enough illumination for him to make out the tears on her cheeks. "I'm not sick, Hamilton," she replied softly.   
  
He immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head against his chest. Placing a soft kiss atop her hair, he said, "Then what? Tell me what's wrong, baby. You're scaring me."  
  
"Everything is wrong, Hamilton," she moaned. "Nothing will ever be right again. My whole life just sucks."  
  
"Oh, don't say that. We're together . . . doesn't that count for anything? No matter what else is wrong, I'm always here with you. You can always count on that, no matter what," he assured her.   
  
Jake broke free of his arms and sat up to look into his soft, clear eyes. She could see his feelings for her through his eyes. Even in the dark, his love shone right through. He was always that way; leaving his emotions on public display, never afraid to let the world know how he felt. She, on the other hand, was always the one who hid things. She guarded her feelings like a secret, afraid that if they got out then they'd be ruined. She realized, though, as she looked into his eyes, that she longed to be able to be like Hamilton; to be open and honest and never afraid of how she felt.   
  
"I love you," she said. "More than I ever thought I could love anyone; more than I thought it was even possible to love. You're the most important person in the world to me. If things ever end between us I'll--"  
  
"Shh, don't talk like that," Hamilton said as he brought one finger to her lips to quiet her. "That will never happen. We'll always be together . . . always."  
  
"I wish I knew that for sure," Jake replied and he could hear the sadness in her voice yet again.   
  
"I do know that for sure," he said in return. "I may only be sixteen years old, but I can't imagine ever loving anyone else as much as I love you. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with," he said confidently, then leaned in for a kiss.   
  
Jake knew that she should say something then. She knew that she should stop kissing him and tell him the truth. He deserved to know. She had to tell him . . . but kissing him just felt so good. His kisses just seemed to make all of their problems melt away. Maybe, if she kissed him long enough, things would just be resolved and she could stop worrying altogether . . .   
  
Of course, she knew this would never happen. This problem would still be here in the morning and she'd still have to tell him. But couldn't she just have one more night to be happy with the man she loved before she turned both of their worlds upside down forever? She was sure that they both deserved at least that.   
  
So, she continued the kisses. And she let him touch her and she touched him in return. His hands traveled across the smooth skin of her back, over her still flat stomach and up to reverently caress her breasts. He took off her shirt and then joined it with his own in the floor. She slipped out of her boxer shorts and he kicked away his jeans. Soon enough, nothing was separating them; nothing but the night and the heat and the darkness.   
  
He kissed her passionately, savoring the feel of her as his hands roamed over her naked flesh. Jake let herself be possessed, let his hands and his lips control her as she gave in to everything that she knew they were both feeling. It felt so good, so right . . . like just being with him made things better.   
  
When he slid his hand between her legs, she felt a jolt run through her body. She shouldn't be letting this happen with all that had happened and all that she had to tell him . . . but it just felt so perfect. She was afraid to shatter the moment for fear that she'd never get the chance to be with him this way again.   
  
She tried to clear her mind of everything but his touch, tried to concentrate only on what she was feeling and not think about anything else. And it was working. She could feel everything else slipping away as he coaxed her body higher and higher, away from reality and into their own personal fantasy.   
  
By the time he reached for his pants to retrieve a condom, it was too late to turn back. She wanted to tell him the truth, but she also wanted this one last chance to be with him, to be a part of him and he a part of her. She couldn't stop now.   
  
As he entered her, she cried. She had cried the first time, too, but that had been from the pain. And he had kissed away her tears and proceeded so slowly that she knew it had been practically killing him. Still, he had let her take all the time she needed to grow accustomed to the new feelings and sensations before he had moved any faster. He would have rather died than to hurt her and she knew then that she was more important to him than sex would ever be. But now, things were different. Her tears were different, and he knew this.  
  
"Jake?" he asked in a worried voice as he stilled his body over hers and touched her face. Her eyes, which had been closed, opened to meet his and he gave her a questioning look of concern. "Baby, what's wrong? Am I hurting you?" His voice was just short of terrified as he thought that there was even the slightest possibility that he was causing her pain. "We can stop, Jake, we can," he assured her.   
  
"No! No, I don't want to stop . . . please," she said. "I'm fine . . . I'll be fine. You're not hurting me. I just . . . I love you so much, Hamilton." She was crying freely now, tears coursing down her cheeks as she looked up into his beautiful eyes and saw all of her love for him reflected in his gaze.   
  
"I love you, too, baby. You know that," he said softly as he bent down to kiss her cheek. His thumb brushed away her tears as his lips made their way to her mouth for a gentle, loving kiss. "I'll never stop loving you," he pledged and she wanted so badly to believe that. If only she could know for sure that nothing could ever change that love . . .   
  
She brought her legs up around him and pulled him closer, urging him to continue in their lovemaking. He did, moving languidly as though to remember every minute, every second, that they were together. Afterwards, he slept in her arms. She would usually have drifted off, too, but on this night she had a lot on her mind. She felt guilty about letting this happen without telling him the truth. But she also felt glad that they had one last time to just be happy with nothing else to stand between them.   
  
The moon still cast a shadowy light into her room and she regarded his sleeping face solemnly. He was beautiful. She'd never seen anyone quite as beautiful as her Hamilton. It almost broke her heart to look at him. And, even if it didn't turn out to be forever, for that night in that moment, be belonged to her. And that would have to be enough. She'd tell him the truth tomorrow, but tonight she just wanted to be happy one last time . . . and stay wrapped up in his arms for one more night.   
  
* * * * *  



	3. Part Three

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 3   
  
"So you didn't tell him," Bella concluded.   
  
"Well," Jake replied, "Technically, no." It was Saturday morning and the two girls had been discussing the situation over the phone for about twenty minutes or so.   
  
"Technically?" Bella repeated.   
  
"I tried," Jake said in her own defense. "I had every intention of telling him last night. But . . . I was scared of what he'd say. And then I was just going to go to bed and call him this morning, but then he showed up at my door last night and . . ."  
  
"He spent the night?" Bella asked.   
  
"Well . . . yeah," Jake admitted.   
  
"You really need to tell him, Jake," she said through the phone. "I mean I know it's none of my business, but--"  
  
"No," Jake interrupted. "I brought you into this mess. I made it your business. It's okay. And you're right; I do need to tell him. I was going to tell him when we woke up this morning, but it turns out he'd already left by the time I got up."  
  
"Where'd he go?" Bella asked.   
  
"I dunno," she said. "He left a note saying he loved me and that he was going to spend the morning getting things ready for my 'surprise', whatever that means. I'm meeting him by the docks at twelve thirty, though. We'll talk then."  
  
"I think that's a good idea," Bella said.   
  
"Well, I better go. I need to get ready to leave," Jake told her friend.   
  
"Okay, good luck," Bella said.   
  
"Thanks, I'll call you later. Bye."  
  
After hanging up, Jake started rooting through her closet, trying to decide what to wear. What do you wear to destroy a relationship? She picked something at random and began to get dressed, all the while dreading what she was about to have to do.   
  
* * * * *  
  
She arrived at the docks right on time to find Hamilton already waiting for her. He greeted her with a huge grin on his face. "Hey babe," he said as he approached.   
  
"Hey . . ." she said cautiously. Okay, this was it. She was going to tell him. "Look, Hamilton, there's something I need to tell--"  
  
"Wait! Hold that thought," he said quickly. "Your surprise is ready."  
  
"But I really need to talk to you about this and--"  
  
"Jake, it'll only take a couple of minutes to get where we're going," he assured her. "And once we're there we'll have a lot more privacy to talk about whatever it is, okay?"  
  
She sighed but nodded. "Okay, let's go."  
  
He beamed at her and took her hand, oblivious to the fact that anyone could be watching from afar, seeing them together like this. She removed her hand from his and he looked at her quizzically. "We're outside, anyone could see," she offered as an explanation."  
  
"Oh . . . yeah, I hadn't thought of that. Sorry."  
  
She smiled at her boyfriend and they continued walking side by side down the dock. They stopped when they reached the edge. Jake looked over into the water and saw a small, wooden boat floating there. "We're getting in that?" she asked skeptically. It barely looked seaworthy to her.  
  
"Sure we are. It's perfectly safe," he promised. "Besides, we go out in this water every day for crew practice. It'll be fine." She shrugged, figuring he was probably right, and let him help her into the boat. He followed right behind her and soon he was rowing away from the dock.   
  
"So, just where are we going anyway?" she asked.   
  
"Well, that would constitute the surprise, now wouldn't it?" he teased. "Don't worry, I won't keep you in suspense for long. We're almost there." She nodded and sat back as he continued across the lake. The shores in front of Rawley Boys were now out of sight as they rounded a few turns in the lake. She'd never seen this part of the waterfront before. It was more shaded with trees and had fewer clearings to dock at. Jake kept looking around, trying to decipher just where Hamilton was heading.   
  
Finally, after being in the water for about fifteen minutes, he pulled the boat up to what looked like a makeshift dock along the water's edge. "Here we are," Hamilton announced happily."  
  
"Yeah, but *where* is *here*?" she asked as she surveyed the wooded area around them.   
  
"Allow me to escort you, madam," he said gallantly as he hopped out of the boat and offered her his hand. She took it and kept hold of him as he led her through a bank of trees on what looked like a path that was just a bit overgrown. When they finally reached a clearing, Jake saw what he'd been planning.   
  
Just ahead of them, beneath a huge oak tree, lay a blanket and a large, wooden picnic basket. "Ta-da!" Hamilton announced proudly. "So, what do you think of the surprise?" he asked.   
  
"Oh, Hamilton . . . this is . . . just so sweet," she finally said. Despite everything going through her mind at that moment, she still had to smile at the fact that he'd spent so much time setting up a romantic afternoon for the two of them. She kissed his cheek and softly said, "Thank you."  
  
He leaded down to kiss her lips and replied, "Anything for my girl."  
  
She smiled at that remark and the two of them headed over to the private picnic area to sit down. "So, you wanted to talk to me about something?" Hamilton said.   
  
"Oh . . . uh, yeah, well . . ." She frantically searched for a way to start this very difficult conversation.   
  
"Jake, does this have anything to do with why you've been acting so strange for the past week or so? Because whatever it is you can tell me. I want you to know that. Just tell me what it is." He seemed so sincere, so sure that he was ready for whatever she had to say to him. She was certain, however, that he would not be ready for this.   
  
'Okay Jake, just say it,' she mentally instructed herself. 'Just close your eyes and spill your guts.'  
  
"Hamilton, the reason that I've been so on edge and acting so crazy lately is . . . well . . . um, I think that maybe I might possibly, or maybe I should say that I almost probably am, um . . ." he watched her face as she stammered through her speech, giving her his full attention. "Uh, well . . . pregnant," she finally blurted.   
  
Hamilton's eyes grew to twice their normal size and his jaw literally dropped. "You're . . . you're . . . excuse me? What?" He sounded like he really thought he must have misheard her.   
  
"Pregnant," she repeated. "I think I'm pregnant."  
  
"I . . . I . . . I . . . how? We were always, always, *always* careful! And it's not like we've been together that many times and . . . and . . ." he was searching for any explanation that would make this not true. She knew how he felt. She'd gone through the same thing herself when she first discovered the predicament she was in.   
  
"Hamilton . . . I guess even careful isn't always careful enough. I'm not sure how or why or even really when . . . but it's true. I'm two weeks late. I'm never really exactly regular, so I didn't think anything of it until it had been a whole week. Then I got worried. I went to the drug store and got a test and yesterday I finally got he nerve to take it. It came out positive."  
  
He sat there in silence, just looking at the ground as his expression changed rapidly. First there was shock, total and utter surprise that this wasn't all a dream; that this was really happening to him . . . to them. Then there was disbelief; no, this couldn't possibly be true. It just wasn't fair. She *couldn't* be . . . not when things were finally perfect for once. Then his expression changed again, this time to a look somewhere in between sadness, defeat, and hurt.  
  
"It doesn't sound very positive," he said then and his voice breaking the long silence actually surprised her.   
  
"What?" she asked.   
  
"You said it came out positive . . . why do they call it that anyway? When I think of something positive I think of something good."  
  
Jake shrugged sadly. "I guess sometimes, to some people, this might be considered positive." Hamilton nodded and looked off into the distance. Jake felt awful. She could see what this news was doing to him and she felt like it was all her fault. "Hamilton," she said meekly in a voice already tinged with tears, "I'm so sorry."  
  
He turned then and finally looked at her, as if he'd just remembered that she was even there. His face melted into regret as he shook his head. "Oh no, baby, this isn't your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's just . . . well, I wasn't expecting this, that's all." He could see that she was close to falling apart as she sniffled and nodded. Her lower lip was trembling, her eyes already red . . . one look broke his heart. All he could do was wrap her in his arms.   
  
Once she was cradled against him, she finally lost control. Her tears came quickly, nearly choking her as she sobbed uncontrollably. "Oh God, I'm so scared, Hamilton. I don't know what to do . . . this is just too much . . . it's too much . . ."  
  
"Shh, baby, it's okay. We're going to get through this, okay? We will, I promise," he soothed.   
  
"Please don't leave me, Hamilton. I need you so much . . . please . . ."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her. "You can't get rid of me, no matter what." He laid a soft kiss on her forehead and hugged her tightly to him. "I love you, Jake . . . we'll figure this out together."  
  
* * * * *  
  
It was several hours later before they returned to Jake's dorm room from what was supposed to have been their romantic afternoon together. They were far from happy, though. Several people had even stopped to ask what was wrong on their way back across campus. Hamilton had merely explained that Jake was sick, probably some kind of food poisoning, and he was taking 'him' back to the dorms to get some rest. Everyone seemed to buy that explanation, or at least they pretended to.   
  
Once he had her back in her room with the door closed and her tucked into the bed, Hamilton sat by his girlfriend's side and began to gently stroke her hair. "Try to sleep, Jake. You need to get some rest," he told her. It was only about five in the afternoon, but he knew that she was physically and emotionally drained from all of the worrying she'd done for the past few days.   
  
"Hamilton," she said softly, "I'm sorry about how I fell apart today."  
  
"Shh, don't be sorry," he said.   
  
"No, it's just not like me. I can usually deal with things. I'm usually the strong one. But this . . ." Her eyes filled with fresh tears as she said, "I just don't know how to handle this."  
  
"It's okay, we'll figure something out tomorrow. Tonight I just want you to get some sleep," he said.   
  
"Will you stay with me?" she asked.   
  
"Of course, I'm right here," he assured her.   
  
She moved to one side of the bed and pulled on his hand. "I don't want to be alone," she pleaded. He nodded and climbed into bed beside her, immediately pulling her into his arms with her head resting just below his chin.   
  
"I love you, Jake. I love you so much," he said softly. It was the last thing she remembered before she slipped away into the temporary peace of sleep.  
  
* * * * *  



	4. Part Four

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 4   
  
Just as the sun was coming up on Sunday morning, Jake woke with a start. It took her a second to realize that she'd been crying; another second to realize that she'd been having a nightmare of some sort. She didn't remember any of the details; just that whatever she'd been dreaming about it had her pretty upset.   
  
When she moved to sit up she felt a pair of arms tighten around her waist. Hamilton . . . of course he'd never left. She turned slightly to look at her boyfriend. He was still sleeping, pulling her close by mere instinct. She smiled. He was always trying to protect her.   
  
About that time, Hamilton started to wake up. He looked up to see Jake smiling down at him and he gave a sleepy grin in reply. "Good morning," he greeted her sluggishly.   
  
"Barely," she replied. "It's only about six o'clock. Sorry I woke you; go back to sleep. I'm just gonna run to the bathroom and I'll be right back," she assured him.   
  
"No, I'm coming with," he insisted.   
  
"Hamilton . . ." she started to protest.  
  
"Jake . . ." he replied in the same tone. "Come on, I need to go anyway," he told her. She finally shrugged and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. He crawled out behind her and held onto her hand until they reached the door. Once in the hallway, they walked close to one another until they reached the bathroom.  
  
Jake retreated to one of the stalls and Hamilton did the same. "You're not . . . um . . . sick, or anything . . . are you?" Hamilton asked through the thin, pressed-wood wall that separated them.   
  
"What? Oh, no," Jake replied. "Not everyone gets that I don't think. Plus, I think it probably takes a little longer." He didn't reply. She heard the toilet flush next to her and saw his feet as he exited the stall.   
  
When she came back out into the bathroom, he was staring blankly into the mirror. She walked up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" she asked softly. His eyes met hers in the mirror and he nodded.   
  
"So, how long anyway?" he asked then.   
  
The question caught her by surprise. "How long?" she repeated.   
  
"Yeah, you know, how long," he said again.   
  
"Oh . . . um, I'm not sure. Definitely no more than five weeks, obviously." It had only been a little over a month since their first time. God, was that all? It seemed like forever ago. Had it only been a matter of weeks since the first time? Could it really have only been a few months ago that she first laid eyes on him? It seemed to Jake as though she'd been seeing him in her mind forever . . .   
  
"It could have happened the very first time," he said thoughtfully.   
  
"Yeah," she replied. "I suppose it could have."  
  
"It doesn't really seem real, does it?" he asked. He met her gaze in the reflection again and smiled sadly.   
  
"No," she shook her head in reply, "it really doesn't."  
  
"I'm sorry that I let this happen, Jake," he told her as he reached back to grab her hand.   
  
She pulled gently on his hand to spin him around to face her. "Don't . . . it's not your fault," she assured him.   
  
"I'm supposed to protect you . . ." he said in protest.   
  
"No, Hamilton, you're not," she said. "You aren't my bodyguard; you're my boyfriend. There's a difference, you know. Just because you love me doesn't mean that you have to be my watcher every second of every day. Bad things happen. People make mistakes and have lots of things to get over. And no matter how bad this seems, it's just another one of those things. And we will get over it," she said surely.   
  
He looked at her then, admiration glowing in his eyes. "You're an amazing woman," he told her. "And I know you're right; it's not my job to protect you from everything that might hurt you. But, as your boyfriend who loves you more than his own life, it's what I want to do. I don't ever want you to get hurt."  
  
She smiled at his sweet words. He really was as close to perfect as she could have hoped for. She wrapped her arms around him for a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear.   
  
"For what?" he whispered in return.   
  
"For loving me too much."  
  
* * * * *  
  
It was the last Sunday before school started back and, though most of the students were now back on campus, they were all likely to opt to sleep in one last time before their summer ended. So, at just after eight in the morning, Jake and Hamilton seemed to have the quiet halls of Rawley Academy all to themselves. Hamilton held fast to her hand as they walked into the deserted library.   
  
"What exactly are we doing here anyway?" she asked him as he led her over to one of the leather sofas to sit.   
  
"Talking . . . being alone," he said.   
  
"We could do that in my room," she reminded him.   
  
He shrugged. "I thought we could use a change of scenery. Besides, this place is just as quiet. And no one is going to be in the library on the day before school starts back."  
  
She nodded. This was true, after all. And he was right about them needing a change of location. The walls of her room were starting to feel like they were closing in on her. It was much better to be in the spacious library in the company only of the books and Hamilton.   
  
He was still holding one of her hands and he reached down to grasp the other as well. She turned to face him and for a moment they just watched each other, trying to decide where in all this to even begin. "So . . ." he said softly.   
  
"So . . ." she repeated.   
  
"We have a lot to talk about," he told her.   
  
She nodded. "I guess so."  
  
"What do you want," he asked forthright.   
  
She turned her eyes skyward as she considered the question, then met his gaze again with a small sigh. "You know, I'm really not sure at this point. I have no idea what I want."  
  
"Do you want to have a baby? Are you . . . are we . . . ready for that?"  
  
"I just don't know," she replied. "I feel like I can't be sure of anything anymore.   
  
"Well, I'm sure that whatever you decide, I'll stand by you," he assured her. "But it's ultimately your decision."  
  
"I know . . ."  
  
"Does anyone else know about this yet?" he asked.   
  
"Just Bella," she told him. "I told her Friday . . . right after I found out."  
  
He nodded. "So, I guess the next thing we need to do is get you to a doctor. She can probably help us find one . . . and maybe drive us."  
  
"Yeah, she already said that she would. She called someone for me on Friday. I have an appointment on Tuesday afternoon," Jake said.   
  
"I'm going with you," he said definitely. She nodded again, glad that he had offered.   
  
"What about your mom? Are you going to tell her?" Hamilton asked.   
  
"I'm not sure . . . that's going to be a really tough thing to tell her," Jake said. "I mean, she'll understand, I'm sure, but . . . well, I just hate to disappoint her. I feel like I work so hard at everything so that she'll notice me and then . . . oh, I just don't want to have to tell her how badly I've screwed up." She sniffed lightly as her eyes flooded with fresh tears.   
  
Hamilton moved closer and put an arm around her shoulder in comfort. "I'll come to New York with you if you want . . . we can tell her together," he offered.   
  
She smiled through her tears and replied, "That's sweet . . . but I think it's something I have to do alone. I'll just have to tell her . . . eventually."  
  
"You just need a little time," he assured her. He knew how much Jake loved her mother. And, no matter how busy and scatterbrained her mother could be at times, Hamilton could tell how important Jake was in Monica Pratt's life. She'd help her daughter through this without a moment's thought; he was sure of that.  
  
Jake cried a little, but managed to get herself under control fairly quickly. She was so sick of crying. At least Hamilton was still there, though. She thanked God that he had been so supportive; otherwise she wasn't sure what she'd have done.   
  
"You hungry? We can go into town and get some breakfast," he suggested. "We can even stop at the station and talk to Bella while we're there."  
  
"Yeah," she agreed, "that sounds good. I haven't talked to her since Friday night; I'm sure she's getting worried."  
  
Hamilton rose from the sofa and offered her his hand, then they walked together out onto the quiet campus to head towards town.  
  
* * * * *  



	5. Part Five

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 5  
  
Jake and Hamilton ended up having breakfast at Friendly's. They were still talking over their cooling cups of coffee when Will and Scout both arrived.   
  
"Hey guys, what's up?" Scout asked as they approached. His expression quickly turned to confusion, though, as he saw the looks on his friend's faces. They were definitely in the middle of a very serious conversation and they both looked more than a little upset.  
  
"Everything okay?" Will asked as he, too, noticed their worried expressions.   
  
"It will be," Hamilton assured them with an attempt at a smile.   
  
Will nodded. "We'll leave you guys alone. We just came in to eat so . . ."  
  
"Maybe we can catch up with you guys later . . . grab dinner or something on our last night of freedom? If you want, ya know . . ." Scout said.   
  
"Yeah, that'd be nice," Jake said with a thankful nod.   
  
"Okay, later then," Scout said and he and Will waved as they went to the other side of the diner to claim a corner booth.   
  
"They know something's up," Jake commented as the other boys walked away.   
  
"It's probably pretty obvious," he said as he reached across the table to brush a stray tear from her cheek. "You look a little pale . . . are you sure you ate enough? We can order something else."  
  
"No, I'm just not that hungry," she said. "All of this . . . well, it's kind of made me lose my appetite, ya know?"  
  
"Yeah, I know baby," he replied sadly. He gripped her hand in his and she smiled as a few more tears spilled down her cheeks. "Why don't we go see if Bella's up yet?" he suggested. He knew that, as much as Jake needed him, she also needed Bella. It helped her to have another girl to talk to.  
  
"Okay," she replied and they got up to leave. Hamilton threw some money down on the table, then put his arm around Jake's shoulder to escort her out of the diner. Scout and Will watched from the corner, wondering what could possibly have their friends so upset.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Bella's dad was in the station going over the monthly books when the young couple arrived. "Hi Mr. Banks, is Bella home?" Hamilton asked politely after the older man had waved them inside.   
  
"Sure kids, she's inside doing laundry I think. Go on in," he told them. They nodded their thanks and preceded into the back part of the station where Bella, her dad and her sister lived.   
  
"Bella?" Jake called across the small kitchen. She and Hamilton stood in front of the ancient looking refrigerator, holding hands and waiting.   
  
"Jake?" came a voice from the other end of the room. Then Bella appeared from the half opened laundry room door. "Oh, hey guys. I didn't hear you come in," she said with a small smile as she came out into the kitchen to join her friends.   
  
"Your dad let us in," Hamilton explained, feeling suddenly like he should say something.   
  
"It's cool," Bella nodded. She looked at Jake, then up to Hamilton, then back to Jake. "So . . ." she said slowly.   
  
"Yes, I told him," Jake replied to her unasked question.   
  
"I'm glad to hear that," Bella said. She looked to Hamilton again and asked, "You doing okay?"  
  
"Me? I'm not the one I'm worried about," he stated as he put his arm over Jake's shoulder and pulled her closer.   
  
Bella nodded once again and ushered them both into the living room. "Grace isn't home and dad's gonna be tied up with the books for hours so we can talk in here," she explained. She reached out and took Jake's free hand in hers. "You feeling okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I haven't been sick or anything like that . . . I'm just . . ." she sighed and Hamilton could already see the tears glistening behind her lashes. He reached up to stroke her cheek and leaned in to plant a kiss to her temple.   
  
"It's okay, baby," he whispered. Bella regarded the two solemnly, truly amazed at the genuine concern that Hamilton was showing. She had already known that he and Jake were in love, but the evidence of how deep their feelings went was still a shock. It was easy to see that he would do anything for Jake in a heartbeat; no questions asked. He loved her that much.  
  
Jake took a deep, shaky breath and swallowed hard to push back her tears. Again, she spoke. "I'm just scared, that's all," she said softly. "I just never thought . . . well, this stuff always happens to other people . . . right? I never thought it would be me."  
  
Bella nodded sympathetically. "I know sweetie . . . I know what you mean. And I can't even imagine how hard this must be. If there's anything at all I can do . . ."  
  
"You made a doctor's appointment for next week, right?" Hamilton asked then.   
  
"Yes, for Tuesday," she confirmed. "It's in Ludwig, about 50 miles east of here."  
  
"So what time do we need to leave by?" he wanted to know.   
  
"You're going, then?" she asked. He nodded. "Um, the appointment is at 3pm and it'll take at least an hour. I guess we should leave by 1:30, just to be safe. Will that be okay? I mean, can you get away from school or whatever?"  
  
"It'll have to be," Hamilton said flatly. There was obviously going to be nothing and no one standing in his way of seeing Jake through this.   
  
They both regarded Jake wearily. Despite all the sleep she'd gotten the night before, she looked exhausted. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks flushed and her lips were trembling. "Jake, you need to get some rest, sweetie," Bella said as she stroked her friend's hand gently.   
  
Jake nodded dumbly, beyond really protesting by that point.   
  
"Can she lie down here? Will your dad mind?" Hamilton asked.   
  
"Of course not," Bella replied. "Come on, we'll go up to my room." She led the way and the three of them made their way to the small bedroom that Bella called her own. She'd already made the bed that morning, but she pulled back the covers and allowed Hamilton to help Jake crawl beneath them. He tucked her in and knelt beside the bed to hold her hand and stroke her hair until, after a few minutes, she fell asleep.   
  
Bella got up from her seat across the room and motioned for Hamilton to join her in the hallway. He kissed Jake's forehead lightly and followed the other girl into the hall.   
  
Once the door was closed softly behind them, Bella said, "This is absolutely unbelievable."  
  
"Tell me about it," he replied miserably.   
  
Bella reached down to grab his hand. "I'm so sorry about all this, Hamilton. Are you sure you're okay? I mean, this is definitely not the kind of news you were expecting, I'm sure."  
  
"I'm fine," he said to her. "Well," he then amended, "not fine, obviously, but I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about Jake. She'd just . . . she's not herself at all."  
  
"I'm sure it's normal," Bella assured him. "She's had a rough few days. I know she was really upset Friday and I wanted her to tell you about it then . . . but she was scared. I think she spent so much time worrying about it for that day and a half that she just wore herself out emotionally. She's totally drained now."  
  
He nodded his agreement. "I just don't get it, though," he said. "Why would she be scared to tell me? How could it be better in any way for her to go through that alone . . . even for one second?"  
  
"I guess she was afraid . . . well, afraid that you would be upset with her about it," Bella replied. "I mean, people react differently to this sort of news and--"  
  
"I would never leave her! Never!" he insisted vehemently.   
  
"Oh Hamilton, I never thought you would," she assured him. "But Jake couldn't help that she was scared. I'm sure her worst fears were playing out in her mind while she worked up the courage to tell you the truth. She just didn't know what to think anymore."  
  
He thought about this, then nodded slowly. "I suppose I see your point."  
  
She smiled softly and squeezed his hand, saying, "I'm just glad that she didn't have any of that to worry about after all. You're being so amazing with her. It's really wonderful how supportive you are with her, Hamilton."  
  
He shook his head. "No, I'm not doing anything wonderful, Bella. It's my responsibility, too. Besides, I'm in love with this girl. I could never even think about walking away."  
  
"She's a lucky girl," Bella said softly and reached up to kiss his cheek. "Look, I have some more chores to get to so I'm gonna head back into the kitchen. You're welcomed to stay in here with Jake, or you can come with me if you feel like talking," she offered.   
  
"Actually, I think I'll sit with her a while longer," he said. "I'm still kind of worried about how pale she looks. I just want to make sure that she's alright first. Then I might come in and talk."  
  
Bella nodded and watched as he quietly slipped back into her bedroom. She turned to go get back to her laundry, knowing that she'd be finishing it up alone. Hamilton wasn't going to leave Jake's side for a moment . . . and Bella was glad of that.  
  
* * * * *  



	6. Part Six

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 6  
  
Jake woke up early on Tuesday morning. She dreaded what she'd be told that day on so many levels, and yet she had still been anticipating this day finally getting here. She'd just been through what had proved to be the longest four days of her entire life and she was glad that they were finally behind her. Now, if she could just get through Tuesday, things would have to get better . . . right?  
  
There was a light knock on her door at twenty minutes till eight and she knew it could only be one person. "Come in," she called from the bed where she was still huddled beneath the covers. She'd been awake since dawn but she had yet to be able to bring herself to get out of bed.   
  
Hamilton entered the room and closed the door behind him, locking it as usual. "Hey baby," he greeted her softly with a half-smile. "You feeling okay?"  
  
"As okay as possible, I suspect," she replied. He nodded his understanding.   
  
"So, are we skipping crew this morning?" he asked.   
  
It was her turn to nod. "I don't think I can handle that this morning."  
  
"Understood," he said.   
  
"You think Finn's going to have our heads?" she asked.   
  
He just shrugged and said, "We have better things to worry about."  
  
"Unfortunately," she added. He sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her head against his chest. "I'm scared, Hamilton," she whispered.   
  
"I'll be beside you the whole time. No matter what happens . . ." he promised.   
  
"I don't really know why I'm stressing all over again," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, I already know I am so they can't really tell me anything new. It's just . . . well, I guess the fact that I have to make a decision soon sort of has me . . . freaked out."  
  
"I can understand that," he replied as he continued to hold her close to him.   
  
She pulled back from his hold and looked into his eyes. "Hamilton . . . what do you want me to do?" she asked him.   
  
"Well . . . I think it's up to you, Jake. I don't want to make this decision for you. You should be able to decide if you want . . ."  
  
"No, I'm not asking you for a final verdict; just an opinion," she said. "What's your opinion?"  
  
"I . . . I don't really know," he admitted. "I'll stand by whatever you decide . . . but I'm as confused about all of this as you are," he said honestly.  
  
She looked down at her hands then and said, "If I . . . if I decided not to go through with it . . . to, uh, to get rid of it . . . would you think any less of me? Would you hate me if I did something like that? Honestly." Her voice sounded small and, Hamilton thought, more scared than she had sounded through any of this up till then.   
  
He took one of her hands in his and used his free hand to tilt her chin up so he could look her in the eyes. "Jake, I swear that I would never think less of you," he said solemnly. "I love you and nothing will change that."  
  
She looked into his eyes for a minute, as if she were trying to gauge his sincerity. Finally she nodded as she saw that he was only telling the truth.   
  
"Is that what you want to do?" he asked her then.   
  
She shrugged as she pulled away and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She paced over to the window and looked out over the campus as Rawley started to wake up. "I'm not sure what I want anymore," she admitted. "If someone had asked me six months ago then I could have answered in a heartbeat. But . . . ever since you and Rawley and this Jake thing . . . I feel like I'm a different person than I used to be, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure I know myself as well as I used to."  
  
"You know how you feel," he pointed out. "And you know what feels right in your heart. That's what you should do."  
  
"I'm not ready to be anyone's mother, I know that much," she said.   
  
"There's nothing wrong with that," he assured her.   
  
"But I'm not sure that I could . . . well, I don't know if I'd be able to live with something like that. I think everyone should have the choice and the right . . . but I'm not sure it's an option I can deal with."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with that, either," Hamilton said.   
  
"Could you go on being a teenager knowing that you had a child out there someplace though?" she asked.   
  
"Jake, no matter what you decide or what we end up doing, this is going to change everything. We're never going to be the same teenagers that we used to be," he said. And she knew that he was right. She'd lost a lot of her innocence in the last four days. She'd never be the same girl that came to Rawley at the beginning of the summer.   
  
"I should get a shower. I want to get off campus as early as possible so we don't get held up," she said. He nodded and stood to leave.   
  
"I'll be back in about an hour," he said as he came up and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He planted a soft kiss on her shoulder and whispered close to her ear, "I love you."  
  
"I know, me too," she replied softly without turning around. She was still looking out over the waking campus as a tear traced its way down her cheek. She heard him turn to leave and listened as the door opened, then closed behind him. Even though she hadn't told Hamilton, she was pretty much already decided on what she was going to do. She just hoped that they would both be able to handle her decision.   
  
* * * * *  
  
Finn looked over the group of boys before him. "Okay, today I want you all to--" he stopped, surveyed the small sea of faces again, then asked, "Where are Mr. Pratt and Mr. Fleming? Anyone seen them this morning?" No one answered, but Scout and Will exchanged worried looks. They had been having strange encounters with Jake and Hamilton all weekend and they were now more sure than ever that something was going on.   
  
"Mr. Krudski, care to shed a little light on the absence of your teammates for us?" Finn asked.   
  
Will tried to look innocent. "What makes you think I know anything about it?" he asked.   
  
"You look guilty," Finn replied.   
  
"I swear I don't know where they are," he said. It was true. He'd seen them leaving campus together that morning, but he really didn't have any clue where they'd been heading.   
  
"Mr. Calhoun?" Finn inquired next.   
  
"Me?" Scout asked. "I don't know . . . last time I saw either of them was this morning in the common room.   
  
"Hmm . . . well, they've both missed two practices this week so if you see either of them later today please inform them that if they miss one more I will have to take this matter up with the dean . . . and I'm certain that Hamilton would much rather avoid that happening."  
  
"Sure," Will responded. Scout nodded his agreement as well.   
  
"Okay . . . now, where were we?" Finn asked. "Oh yes . . ." and then he continued on with his morning lecture. Will and Scout exchanged another worried look, knowing they'd have to track Jake and Hamilton down as soon as class was over and warn them about this situation before it was too late.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Not much further," Bella said to her two friends as they drove down the deserted road towards their destination. They'd been driving for a little less than an hour, but it felt like an eternity to Jake and Hamilton. They were sitting next to Bella in the front of the truck with Hamilton by the door and Jake in the middle. Every time she glanced over at her passengers, Bella thought they each looked a little bit greener than they had the last time.  
  
Hamilton reached down and squeezed Jake's hand, then brought it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her to pull her closer. He knew that she was terrified of this whole situation and the truth was that he couldn't blame her one bit.   
  
It was just after Bella told them that they didn't have much further to go that they saw the sign for Ludwig and began to see houses and stores that signified they were approaching a town. Soon, they pulled up in front of a two story brick building and Bella cut the engine, then said, "Okay, this is it."  
  
Jake and Hamilton both turned to look at the building. It was red brick and looked pretty old, like it had been there as long as the small, Massachusetts town had existed. Bold, white letters across the glass front door proclaimed this to be the office of a Dr. James M. Madsen, OB/GYN.   
  
"Ready?" Bella asked the couple.   
  
"As I'll ever be," Jake mumbled and Hamilton got out of the truck, then helped her out beside him. He clutched her hand tightly as the three of them entered the office together.   
  
"May I help you?" asked a woman in a bright pink and blue smock at the front desk.   
  
"My friend has an appointment at 3 o'clock," Bella informed her. "Jackie Smith." That was the fake name they'd decided upon to avoid suspicion.   
  
The woman, whose name tag said she was Jenny Clark and that she was a registered nurse, checked her appointment book and nodded. "Dr. Madsen can see you now. Follow me." She got up from her seat and started through a door that led from the waiting room to the rest of the office.   
  
"I'll wait here," Bella told Jake.   
  
Jake smiled as best she could at her friend and said, "Thanks . . . for all of this."  
  
Bella returned the smile and replied, "No problem." Then she watched as Hamilton and Jake disappeared behind the door.   
  
* * * * *  
  
Jake sat on the paper-lined table and fidgeted nervously. She'd always hated doctors, ever since she had her tonsils out when she was six. She'd long since avoided having to go, although she had on occasion, but only at her mother's insistence. This was only her second doctors visit in a little over a year.   
  
Hamilton was sitting in a padded, faux leather chair across from her and looking extremely concerned. That seemed to be his only facial expression lately. She immediately felt a pang of guilt for that fact.   
  
The smell of antiseptic and floor wax hung heavily in the air around her. What a strange combination, she thought briefly, but then the overly shined floors and the methodically cleaned tray of instruments on the counter could have foretold of the smell. Still, it struck her as odd. And odd, too, that she would even stop to think about such a thing at a time when her mind had so many bigger questions to ponder. She just sighed and readjusted herself on the table again.   
  
It was fifteen minutes after she'd changed into the flimsy paper gown that the illusive Dr. Madsen finally made an appearance. "Jackie?" he asked as he opened the heavy white door from the hallway.   
  
"Yes, I'm Jackie," Jake replied. Her grandmother had called her that as a child so it wasn't too far of a stretch.   
  
The doctor smiled and closed the door behind him as he entered. He was a relatively young man, perhaps in his late thirties to early forties. Not exactly what she had expected. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had just assumed that all small town doctors looked like the ones on Little House on the Prairie and The Andy Griffith Show; they were all old and gray and looked like your average grandfather. Jake was suddenly glad that this man did not fit her stereotype. She had a feeling she might be a little more comfortable with him.   
  
"So, you're here for a pregnancy test?" the doctor asked, not looking up from his chart. His voice sounded so level, as though the earth-shattering meaning behind his words had no effect on him.   
  
"Yes," Jake managed to eek out softly.   
  
"We'll have to draw some blood, do a urinalysis," he explained calmly. "Would you like your friend to stay in the room while we do the tests? If not then the nurse will be glad to be here. It's totally up to you."  
  
Jake looked at Hamilton and shook her head. "No, I'd like him to stay," she stated surely.   
  
"Very well, shall we get started then?"  
  
She took a deep breath, then nodded. The doctor proceeded to draw a few vials of blood from her arm, which she refused to watch. He then gave her a cup and she went to the bathroom to fill it. After the specimens had been collected, he asked a lot of questions about her sexual activity and her last period and other things she had pretty much expected. The answer she got back, though, was still the same. She was pregnant; approximately five and a half weeks.   
  
Hamilton thanked the doctor, then waited in the hallway for Jake to get dressed before escorting her back to the lobby where Bella was still waiting. The looks on their faces told Bella that they had not received good news without them having to tell her.   
  
"It'll be okay, Jake," she said softly as she rubbed her friend's shoulder lightly. Jake just nodded and leaned into Hamilton.   
  
"We should get her home," he said. Bella nodded and the trio walked back to the truck.  
  
The ride home was even quieter than the ride there had been, though the air seemed much thicker to Jake, more like the world really was closing in. She just wished she could go to sleep and wake up to find that it had all been a terrible nightmare and that she really didn't have to deal with this now. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen.   
  
"So, I think we should tell my mom," Hamilton said aloud when they were about ten miles from the Rawley campus.   
  
Jake looked at him, opening her eyes for the first time during the whole drive. "Excuse me?" she asked.   
  
"She can help . . . she will, I know it," he said to her. "Besides, we can't do this alone, no matter what we do."  
  
She nodded. "I know that." She sighed. "God, how did things get so screwed up anyway?" she asked no one in particular. "And to think that a few weeks ago my biggest fear in the world was whether I'd be able to come back to Rawley . . . now I'll never be allowed back again and it's the least of my concerns."  
  
Hamilton squeezed her hand in his, but remained silent.   
  
"So, when should we tell her?" she asked.   
  
"I was thinking I'd tell her tonight, after dinner when my dad comes back over to his office to catch up on work. I'll explain everything to her, then we'll go from there."  
  
"And you think she's going to be okay with this?" Jake asked unbelievingly.   
  
"Well, no . . ." he admitted. "But she loves me . . . she'll understand."  
  
Jake nodded and sighed. It was real now; they were telling their parents. First Hamilton's mother, then her own. She still had no clue how to tell her mom about this, but she knew she'd have to find a way. She closed her eyes again, trying one more time to dream away the whole mess.   
  
* * * * *   



	7. Part Seven

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 7  
  
"Munchie? Are you up here?" Kate Fleming called as she mounted the stairs looking for her son. She'd heard Hamilton come in earlier but she'd been in the office grading papers and he hadn't knocked so she had figured he was in his room. But now he'd been home for four hours, it was past dinner time, and she still had yet to even see him that entire day. She just had an instinct that something was wrong.   
  
"Munchie?" she called again as she knocked on Hamilton's locked bedroom door.   
  
"Great," he mumbled to himself from his position on the bed. He had been lying there staring at the ceiling for at least two hours as he went over and over in his head the inevitable conversation he was going to have with his mother. 'Mom, I'm dating a girl who you think is a guy but she's not really and we've been having sex and now she's pregnant. Can you pass the butter, please?' Not exactly polite dinner conversation, he decided.   
  
"Sweetheart, can I please come in?" Kate asked from the other side of the door. Hamilton sighed, knowing his mother and knowing that she wouldn't give up. There was only one thing he could really do, so he got up and let her in. "You missed dinner," she said as she walked in holding a plate of leftovers.   
  
"I'm not really hungry," he said as he sank back onto his bed.   
  
She nodded and sat the plate on his dresser. "It's turkey; it'll be okay even if it's a little cold. I'll leave in case you're hungry later." He nodded absently, not really paying attention as he struggled with whether or not to make his confession yet. "Something's bothering you," she said in a tone of voice that could only be attributed to a mother. It wasn't an accusation and there was no demand in her voice for him to tell her; there was just a gentle prodding, a reminder that if he ever needed to talk she would be there.   
  
"It's . . . complicated," he told her.   
  
She sat beside her son on the bed and laid a caring hand on his slumped shoulder. "I'd like to help . . . if you'll let me."  
  
"I'm just not sure that you can," he admitted woefully. He'd have liked nothing more than to be able to reveal the truth to his mom and have her come up with a neat and easy solution as she seemed to be capable of with all of his problems. But this time he couldn't even make himself believe that that could happen. Whatever mindset had allowed that to be true at one time in his life, he would never be that innocent of anything again.   
  
"I'd like to try," Kate replied. "I hate to see you like this, Munchie," she offered as she put her arm around him in a gentle hug. For the first time in years, his childhood nickname sounded soothing rather than annoying.   
  
"I don't know where to start," he said.   
  
"Start at the beginning," she suggested.   
  
Hamilton's mind was whirling in a thousand directions. Should he tell her? Should he lie? Should he just refuse to talk about it? One way or another she was going to find out the truth. Maybe sooner would be better than later.   
  
"I have a girlfriend," he said flatly.   
  
Kate was taken a bit by surprise. This was not at all what she had been expecting her son to say. She wasn't sure what she *had* been expecting, but it wasn't this. "Really?" she replied. "For how long?"  
  
"Since a few weeks after summer semester started," he told her.   
  
"Do I know her?"  
  
He hesitated on this answer, then replied, "Yes and no." She just gave him a questioning look and he continued. "You've met her . . . but she's not who you think she is."  
  
"Then who . . . is she?" Kate asked.  
  
"Her name is Jacqueline. She's from New York. She's beautiful and smart and funny and a great friend and the best kisser and . . . and I love her. And she loves me." He stopped talking, looking at his hands as if they'd tell him what to say next.   
  
"That's . . . that's great, Munchie. I'm glad that you've found someone who makes you happy. But . . . what do you mean about me knowing her?"  
  
He sighed. "Remember my friend Jake? From New York?" Kate nodded. "Jake is smart . . . and funny . . . and a great friend . . . and . . ."  
  
"A great kisser," Kate finished as she finally caught on. "Jake and Jacqueline are . . ."  
  
"The same person," he finished with a nod.   
  
"Hamilton, you know that your father is going to have to know about this," she said.   
  
"Well, it's a little late for me to be worried with that," he told his mother wearily.   
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I . . . we, Jake and I, have bigger problems. I don't know how much longer she'll be at Rawley either way," he admitted.   
  
"What exactly is going on?" Kate asked.   
  
Hamilton took another deep breath and looked back down at his hands before replying, "Mom, she's pregnant."  
  
Kate was speechless for a moment, just looking down at her son, her little boy . . . it didn't seem possible. "Are . . . are you sure? Has she seen a doctor?"  
  
"Today," Hamilton nodded. "We skipped class and drove to Ludwig."  
  
"Oh my . . ." Kate breathed. She was shocked, to say the least. She'd always known that the day would come when she'd have to face the fact that her son was growing up. She could already see it happening before her eyes; but she refused to believe it. Or, she had refused . . . until now. It looked as though she would finally have to stop denying what she'd known for a while and start to face up to what was really happening. Hamilton wasn't a little boy anymore; and he now had very adult issues to deal with.   
  
"Mom, say something," he pleaded. She'd been sitting beside him on the bed just staring off into space for the few minutes that elapsed since he'd dropped his bombshell and the silence was starting to make him crazy.   
  
She shook herself out of her dazed state and turned back to Hamilton. She turned his shoulders so that he was facing her and raised his chin with her fingers until his eyes met hers. She could already see the tears forming in those familiar baby blues. "Oh honey . . ." she said softly.   
  
Her voice seemed to propel his breakdown. The tears fell down his cheeks as he began to speak. "I'm sorry, Mom, I'm so sorry. We never meant for this . . . I mean, I just never thought that . . . We were really careful, I swear. And I know that we never should have let this happen, but I love Jake and we're not just horny teenagers and it's not just about sex. It's more than that. And I just--"  
  
"Hamilton, sweetheart, it's okay," she broke in. Kate leaned forward to wrap her arms around her now sobbing son as she continued. "Shh, I know all of that; I know what kind of person you are and I know that you wouldn't take this lightly. And I know it was a mistake you didn't mean to let happen. But it has happened and that's what's important right now; that's what we have to deal with. We'll deal with it . . . and we'll figure something out, I promise." His crying had stopped as she spoke and now Hamilton was just returning her hug, trying to feel safe for the first time since he'd found out about Jake's condition.   
  
"I really am sorry," he said in a whisper against his mother's shoulder.   
  
"I know, baby, it's okay," she assured him as she tried to calm him down. Although she knew that this was a big deal and that her son had screwed up, she also knew that he had already beat himself up over it more than could ever be necessary. Hamilton had always been the kind of kid to internalize all of his mistakes and replay them in his head until they nearly drove him crazy. She supposed that was partly due to his father. The dean never had been one to accept any sort of failure lightly. Therefore, Kate had always been the more lenient parent to try and balance out the equation. And, right now, she knew that what Hamilton needed more than anything was reassurance. He'd get enough scolding from his father and from himself.   
  
"I've ruined her life," Hamilton said sadly. "I've ruined her life and my life and . . . God, Mom, I don't know what to do. What can I do?"  
  
Kate pulled back then, making Hamilton look her in the eyes once more. "Sweetheart, listen to me," she instructed. "You made a mistake. You *both* made a mistake. And I'm not going to lie to you; things will never be the same after this. However, your life, and Jake's life, are not ruined. You'll get past this. One way or another, after a lot of tough times and hard choices, the two of you are going to come through this and get on with your lives. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that."  
  
He looked at his mother for a moment, then finally nodded. He wanted her words to be true. It was hard to think at that point that they ever could be, but he definitely wanted that more than anything.   
  
"I love you, Munchie, you know that," she said as she pushed back a wisp of hair from his face. He just nodded and tried to smile. Kate returned the attempt at a smile, then pulled him into another hug. Whatever happened, she'd make this okay.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Rrrriinnnggg. Rrrriinnnggg.   
  
Bella looked towards the back door, then at the kitchen clock. It was nearly ten o'clock. The garage was about to close but she was still in charge until it did. She'd have to go and see who was ringing the bell. With a sigh, she got up from the table and walked out into the already dark garage.   
  
"Who's there?" she called as she fumbled for the switch. Just as the lights came on, a familiar face appeared in front of the glass doors. Will.  
  
"Krudski, what are you doing here so late?" she asked with a quirk of her eyebrow as she opened the door to allow him inside.   
  
Will shrugged and said, "I was just finishing up at the diner and I saw you over here earlier so I knew you'd be home. Shawn had mentioned that you weren't in school today when I saw him this afternoon so . . ."  
  
"You wanted to check up on me," she finished with a smirk.   
  
Will smiled in reply and said, "Actually, I just wanted to check on you; make sure everything was okay . . . is okay . . . so, is it? Okay?"  
  
It was Bella's turn to shrug. "It could be better," she admitted.   
  
"What's wrong?" he wanted to know.   
  
"I can't really talk about it," she told him.   
  
"Does this have something to do with where Jake and Hamilton have been all week?" he asked.   
  
"I can't talk about that either," she said.   
  
"Hmm, well I guess I have my answer on that one," Will said.  
  
"I'd tell you, Will, you know that I would but . . . it's just not my place. It's not my secret to tell," Bella said.   
  
"It's okay, I understand," Will replied. "Just . . . is everything okay with you?"  
  
"Personally, yes, everything is fine. You have no reason to worry about me."  
  
"But you can't say the same for my other friends, right?" Will inferred. "Well, I hope whatever it is that it all works out soon."  
  
"One way or another I'm sure that it will," Bella replied.   
  
Will just nodded. "Okay, well I guess I should go. You look tired anyway. You should lock up and try to get some sleep," he said.   
  
"Yeah, I was just about to do that," Bella told him.   
  
"Okay, well goodnight," he said, then turned to leave.   
  
Bella followed him to the door to lock it. "Night," she said. She watched him through the glass for a second as he headed towards the road to go back to school. He was at the edge of the station parking lot when she opened the door back up. "Will, wait," she called. He turned back towards her. "Check in on her for me? Just make sure that she's okay, please."  
  
He knew without her having to tell him that she meant Jake. He nodded. She watched as he turned again and headed away. This time she turned as well and headed back inside.   
  
* * * * *  
  
It was only a few minutes until lights out by the time that Will arrived back at the dorms. Scout had stopped him in the lounge to ask if he'd talked to Bella or if he'd seen Hamilton. Will told him that he hadn't seen Ham all day but that what he'd gotten out of Bella did not make the situation look good. He then asked if Scout had seen Jake and Scout said that he had but only for a minute when she'd returned back to school. She'd gone quickly into her room and he hadn't seen her since. But what he had seen had looked pretty bad.   
  
"Something is really wrong," Scout said quietly so that no one else would hear him.   
  
Will nodded in agreement. "I need to go and check on her. I promised Bella that I would."  
  
"Okay, I'll cover if you don't make it back to the room by lights out," Scout said.   
  
"Thanks," he replied, then turned to head down the hall to Jake's room. When he arrived the door was locked, of course. He knocked. "Jake? You in there? It's Will." Nothing. "Hey Jake, please open up. I need to talk to you," he said as quietly as possible through the door. He was rather surprised a moment later when the door opened.   
  
Jake appeared from behind the door in sweatpants and a T-shirt. He could tell that she wasn't wearing her chest wrap and he could also tell that she'd been crying. Both things concerned him because she didn't seem to even care if anyone saw her and she was obviously upset.   
  
"Can I please come in?" Will asked.   
  
She stepped aside and allowed him to enter. Will closed the door behind him and watched as Jake went back to sit down on her bed. She immediately pulled her knees up to her chin and looked like she was about to burst into a wave of fresh tears.   
  
"I'd ask if you were okay, but I don't think that's necessary," he told her.   
  
She replied, "No I don't think it is."  
  
He sat down in the desk chair next to the bed and asked, "Is there anything I can do? Anything you want to talk about? I'm not sure how much I can help since I don't know what's wrong, but I'd be willing to try," he offered.   
  
"That's nice of you, Will, but I'm sure there's nothing that you can do," she replied sadly.   
  
"I can be a friend," he said softly. "You certainly look like you could use one."  
  
Jake was silent for a minute. Then, finally, she sighed and said, "It's just that . . . I found out today for sure that . . . well, that my life as I know it is officially over."  
  
"You got kicked out?" Will guessed.   
  
"Not yet, but I'm sure I will soon enough. Whether I do or not won't matter soon anyway," she replied.   
  
"Jake, you're scaring me talking like this," he said. "What happened?"  
  
She sighed again and shook her head in resignation. "You'll find out soon enough anyway I guess but you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. Swear."  
  
"I swear," he said sincerely.   
  
"Bella drove me to the doctor today," she said. "I'm . . . I'm pregnant."  
  
Will's eyes widened as his jaw dropped. "You're . . . oh, man. That's . . . man, I'm sorry. Does Ham know?"  
  
She nodded. "He went with us."  
  
"So where is he now?"  
  
Jake sighed again and replied, "Probably telling his mother about the whole situation."  
  
"Wow. That's, uh, serious stuff," Will said.   
  
"Yeah, tell me about it."  
  
"So what are you going to do? Have you decided?"  
  
"I think so," Jake said. "I mean, either way it changes everything in the whole world . . . I just, I never thought I'd have to deal with this at this point in my life."  
  
Will nodded and said, "I wish there was more I could do to help but . . ."  
  
"No, it's just something I have to deal with. I got myself into this mess so it's my responsibility." Jake looked so miserable as she sat before him and it broke Will's heart. He could tell how difficult this was for her and he hated that nothing he said could ever really make it better.   
  
"Well," he said at last, "if you ever need a friend you know where to find me, okay?" Jake smiled slightly at him and Will got up from his seat and sat beside her on the bed, putting his arms around her to pull her into a hug. Jake hugged him back, grateful to have one more person on her side even if it did still feel like her world was falling apart.   
  
* * * * *  



	8. Part Eight

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 8  
  
It was barely sunrise when Jake heard a knock on her door. She knew it had to be Hamilton and quickly got up to let him in. She didn't even remember going to sleep the night before. The last thing that she did remember was crying on Will Krudski's shoulder about her situation. She figured she must have fallen asleep and he'd gotten her to bed and left.  
  
"Jake? Open up, I need to talk to you," Hamilton whispered through the door. She opened it a second later, rubbing her eyes against the early morning light that filtered into the room. "Morning," he said to her.   
  
"Hey," she replied groggily. "What's up?"  
  
"I told my mom," he said solemnly.   
  
"Oh. Uh, come on in," Jake said and stood aside for him to enter, then closed the door. "So, what did she say? What exactly did you tell her?"  
  
"I told her who you were and that you were my girlfriend. She knows that you're Jake . . . And I told her about the baby."  
  
"Oh." So that was it. This was real. She was probably about fifteen minutes from getting kicked out of Rawley Academy on her ear. Mrs. Fleming probably hated her right about now; after all, she'd ruined her baby boy's entire life. And Jake suddenly got the feeling that she'd never see Hamilton again. It was all too much to handle and she had to sit back down.   
  
"Jake?" Hamilton questioned, his voice filling with concern as she laid her head in her hands.   
  
"I never should have let this happen," she said woefully. "We could have stayed together if I hadn't . . . How could I have screwed everything up so bad?"  
  
"Woah, woah . . . this isn't your fault. We're in this together and I spent an hour last night listening to my mom tell me not to place blame anywhere on this issue so I am certainly not letting you do the same thing. Besides, what's done is done so none of that matters now anyway. We'll just deal with it. We have to."  
  
"She hates me, I know it," Jake said sadly as she leaned against Hamilton and he tightened his arms around her body.   
  
"No she doesn't," he assured her. "She's worried about us both . . . but she does *not* hate you."  
  
"I'm going to have to leave Rawley now," Jake said.   
  
"Yes," Hamilton agreed, "I'm afraid that's true. But we knew that anyway."  
  
Jake looked up at her boyfriend, her eyes brimming with tears as she said, "What if I never see you again? Hamilton, I can't do this by myself . . ."  
  
"And I would never let that happen. You are *not* going to be alone. And you *will* see me again, I swear. We'll . . . I dunno, we'll figure something out. But I think first we need to talk to my mom, go over our options and all of that."  
  
Jake nodded, but pulled out of Hamilton's arms to get up and walk to the window. He got up and followed her, sensing that she had something to say. "I've decided," she stated simply and he didn't need any further explanation. He knew what she meant.   
  
"And?" he asked.   
  
"I believe in abortion. I think that everyone should have the right and I don't think it makes you evil or a sinner or whatever else they say about it. I've given it a lot of thought and a part of me thinks that I'd be stupid not to go with that option. I mean, I'm sixteen . . . what do I know about being a parent? But then," she sighed, "I just . . . I don't think I can go through with that. This baby . . . as much as we don't really want this now, I know I love you and that you love me and . . . it just seems wrong to think of it as a mistake that I can just erase.   
  
"So, after a lot of thought, I've decided to go through with the pregnancy. I'll go back home to my mom and Consuela and . . . I dunno, whatever I have to do. But I don't think I can keep it. I think it would be unfair; to you, to me . . . to the baby. I really think that adoption is the best thing . . . the only thing, really." She turned back to Hamilton finally, wanting to see his reaction. "Well?" she asked quietly as she watched him.   
  
He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her forearms. "You know that I'll support whatever you think is right," he replied.   
  
"I'm not asking for your politically correct boyfriend answer," she told him. "Please just tell me the truth about what you think . . . really."  
  
He nodded. "Alright . . . well I'd be lying if I said that it'll be easy to know that we'll have a child out there that I won't be able to know. It'll probably be the hardest thing in the world for both of us. But, I think it's probably the best thing we can do. We aren't ready, and it's not fair to try and be something that we know we can't."  
  
"So, you'll be okay with this?" she asked.   
  
"Okay, I dunno . . . but we'll get through it." She nodded and hugged him hard. She was relieved that he didn't hate her even as she was devastated because now the decision was made. She felt like she was already parting with the baby that wasn't even there yet. Just saying the words out loud was harder than she had ever imagined.   
  
"Please," Jake sniffled against Hamilton's shoulder. "Promise me something. Don't leave me. I mean, I know that you'll have to stay here and I'll have to go back to New York. But . . . I need you so much. Promise this won't be it . . . I don't want this to be goodbye."  
  
"Never," he said fervently. "I'm not letting you go. We'll do what we have to for now, but someday we'll be together again. I promise you that."  
  
Jake tried to smile again his shoulder but ended up with more of a grimace through her tears. "I love you," she whispered.   
  
"Me too," he whispered back. "Always."  
  
* * * * *  



	9. Part Nine

Title: So Much For the Afterglow  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.  
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.  
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.  
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Part 9  
  
October 15, 2000  
  
Dear Jake,   
  
It's been two weeks since the last time I saw you, two days since my last letter, and two hours since the last time we spoke. I miss you. I never thought it was possible to miss someone so much . . . but I feel like I even have trouble breathing when you aren't around. It's like, since we met, you've become so important to my life. You make me a whole person. And, when we're apart, I feel incomplete. All I can seem to think of is you and how long it will be until I can see you again.   
  
You told me today that your mom might let me stay there for a few days over Thanksgiving holidays. I know it's only a month or so away, but it seems like forever. I'm not sure if I can hold out that long. Maybe I can sneak up to the city for the day next weekend. I'll talk to Bella about it this week and see what I can find out.   
  
Anyway, how are you? I know we just got off the phone and I just asked you all this but I want to make sure that you're okay. I'm really worried about you, baby. I just keep thinking that I should be there for you during all this. Isn't that my responsibility? I can't understand why your mother and my parents don't feel that way, too.   
  
Well, I better go ahead and wrap this up. It's about time for dinner. My parents have been so weird lately and they think that they need to spend more 'quality time' with me, whatever that means. Like the fact that we don't always get to sit down at the dinner table together led to me having sex. Whatever. I think it's all my mother's idea. And once you get something in her head it's hard to talk to her. You know how she is.   
  
I love you, Jake. Forever and always,   
Hamilton  
  
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October 18, 2000  
  
Dear Hamilton,   
  
I just got your letter and I've been thinking about you all day so I wanted to go ahead and write back. I haven't talked to you since the day you wrote the letter so I wanted you to know that I am still doing fine. I went to the doctor today and he said that I was perfectly healthy. I suppose that's good. I mean, I know it is, it's just . . . I dunno, I guess I'm still pretty freaked out by the whole situation.   
  
I miss you. Getting your letter today was the highlight of my week. Did I tell you that I met my tutor on Monday? No, I don't guess I did since we haven't talked since then. Well, her name is Julia and she's twenty-eight. She's really nice; not at all what I was expecting. I thought I'd get some evil old crone who had finally retired from teaching the masses only to save all of her repressed hatred of the youth of America for me alone. Maybe I watch too much TV. Anyway, Julia's great. We just talked mostly on Monday. I told her all about my situation and about you. So far I think you would like her a lot.   
  
About Thanksgiving, my mom said she'd talk to your mom next week when she gets back from London. Did I mention that she was in London? Well, she is. I'm here with just Consuela, as usual. I knew that overprotective act she pulled my first two weeks home wouldn't last. On some levels I'm relieved to have her off my back, but then again I was kinda starting to like her attention for once. Oh well, it's not like I didn't expect this all along.   
  
So, how goes things with your mom? She still acting weird? It's just guilt, you know. She thinks that she's failed as a parent because of what's happening. I think my mother feels the same way, at least a little. That's why she stayed in town for two whole weeks after I got home. I mean, I think that's the first time she's ever been in one city for that long when she didn't have some sort of job tying her there. Anyway, your mom will slack off soon enough. She's just concerned about you. I know that she loves you, though, so I'm sure that it will all turn out okay.  
  
How is everyone back in New Rawley? I miss them all something terrible. Tell Bella hello for me. I've tried to call her a few times since I got back but she's never home. I'll probably try her again this weekend. Oh, and if she's able to drive you into the city sometime soon then be sure to let me know. That would be really great! I can't wait to see you both!!  
  
Well, it's been a long day and I'm pretty tired so I better go. I'll probably talk to you again before you get this letter so sorry if everything I wrote was just a repeat. It's just so comforting to tell you things, even if it is just on paper.   
  
I miss you. I love you. Write me back soon!  
  
Love Always,   
Jake  
  
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October 21, 2000  
  
Dear Jake,   
  
I got your letter today. I haven't heard from you in almost a week. I wish we could talk every day but my parents will only let me call once a week. They think it's better that way; something about us living our own lives and how we'll be too wrapped up in each other if all we ever do is talk on the phone. How do they expect me not to be wrapped up in your life? You're carrying my child, for Christ sake. Sometimes I wonder if parents were ever really young themselves. They don't seem to think like anyone who ever could have been in this situation.   
  
Anyway, how is everything with you? I'm glad to hear that all went a-okay with the doctor the other day. I was hoping that you would call me when you got home but I understand that you're busy. Your mom and Consuela are probably giving you the same crap that my parents are giving me. It'll work out, though.   
  
I talked to Bella about this weekend and she said that she can't get away this week but that she'd be happy to drive me down next week on Saturday for the day. Can you get away for the afternoon? I would just say that we could come over to your place but I'm not sure how much your mom would like that. Just let me know, okay? Call me when you get this letter. I love you!  
  
Love,   
Hamilton  
  
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October 25, 2000  
  
Dear Hamilton,   
  
I know it's been a few days since I got your letter but I was waiting as long as possible before I replied to see if things were going to change. Unfortunately it looks like they aren't. My mom has decided to make me go to London with her! I wanted to call and tell you but she, like your parents, thinks it's a bad idea for us to spend so much time talking and took my phone. I'm still fuming with her about that. Anyway, she thinks it would be best for me to "put some distance" between you and I so she's dragging me off to a foreign country while she finishes a play there. I really don't want to go, but I'm not sure that I have much of a choice.   
  
The only bit of good news is that my mom wants Julia to come with us and keep tutoring me and she has agreed to help me stay in touch with you even if my mom tries to stop it. Of course that will probably only mean that she will mail the occasional letter to you from me but at least it's something.   
  
God, Hamilton I'm going to miss you so much! I was really looking forward to seeing you on Thanksgiving. Now I'm not sure when we will see each other again. You know that I love you. I'll call as soon as I can.   
  
Love,   
Jake  
  
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Hamilton set the letter aside, not bothering to wipe the tears from his cheeks. Jake was leaving. He didn't know exactly when or for how long, but none of that really mattered much at that point. All that mattered was that she was leaving, and that Hamilton had no idea when he'd get to see her again.   
  
He reached over and picked up the framed picture of her that he kept on his desk. It was one he had taken just after they'd met. She looked happy in the picture, innocent . . . not at all like she had the last time he had seen her. He wanted to remember this Jake, the one smiling for his camera in a happier time of her life. He hoped that she would be that happy again one day.   
  
Putting the picture aside, Hamilton folded up Jake's latest letter and tucked it into the shoebox where he kept the others. As he closed the lid on the box and put it back in its place under his bed, he had no idea just how long it would be before he'd receive another letter from the woman he loved.   
  
* * * * *  



End file.
